The idea that we control our destinies, that we have the power to pull ourselves up by our boot straps can often be comforting. If we only work hard enough, we will succeed. However, reality is often different, because the actions of others can have massive repercussions.
This past summer, my wife and I helped out an individual who would end up costing us greatly. A few simple rules were set up, and because this individual refused to abide by them, multiple reports were filed that someone was “living” or “staying” behind our store, in the parking lot, in dangerous conditions due to the temperature. Our insurance company would find out, and because we were “seemingly doing nothing to rectify the situation,” we were found to be in breach of contract.
Time and time again, I attempted to speak with this individual, and come to an understanding, while making sure they were aware of the damage they were doing, but it was to no avail. Even though we had set out to help this individual, in their mind, we were the ones in the wrong.
The ramifications of this have been ongoing. It would first result in higher premiums, and then extra fees. We then had to change our coverage, which would prevent us from doing a number of things we wanted to with the business, costing us potential earnings. And then because we have a breach of contract on our record, it has cost us other opportunities.
Honestly though, we probably should have known that helping this individual would have caused issues. Over the last few years, their actions, or refusal to actually do anything, had cost us countless opportunities, while at the same time costing us financially. And most recently, it cost me an opportunity to receive some great tools. It turns out that I’m on a blacklist as I had recommended this individual for a review tool a couple years back, and because they ignored this companies phone calls, and emails, I was deemed unreliable. Which caught back up to me recently.
Now, maybe part of it was our fault. Having been burned before, we should have known better. But then again, who wants to live their lives thinking that helping someone will end up hurting you? At some point though, one has to learn their lesson, and the lesson for us is that you can only help someone so much before it becomes ridiculous to help them any further. If that person doesn’t want to help themselves, then trying to help them will achieve very little.
Forgiving that person will also become necessary at some point. Not for them, but for us, as hanging onto the hurt and anger does us no good. It just causes more stress on us. That’s not to say that forgetting what they have done is a good idea though. As forgetting such just sets us up for additional problems in the future.
Most importantly, we can’t allow the actions of this one individual taint how we see the world, or how we respond to others who may need help. It is very easy to become cynical, and see the worse in others because of the actions of a few. But trying to overcome that, and seeing that people are still truly good, is something I believe is worth striving for.
